I Understand
by Kid Death
Summary: Heero and Duo angst! Duo and Heero come to talking one night after nightmares and reveal there feelings for each other, but not before quite a few surprises on doth their parts. Duo POV. 2x1 *revised*


I Understand  
  
By: Kid Death  
  
Rating: I guess in the area of PG-13 to R  
  
Pairing: 2x1  
  
Summary: Just read it. Please? I really dun feel up to writing one. I'm sorry.  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Don't sue.  
  
Warnings: OOC Heero. I really dun think Heero would ever be in character in this type of situation. Yaoi. Angst. Sap(wow. That's new 4 me). Swearing. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You read my summary. I dun feel like thinking. Want more info. Read the after notes (aka the notes that I wrote after the fic.)  
  
Duo's POV  
  
I couldn't sleep.  
  
Nightmares of the Maxwell church and Solo came back to me.  
  
I decided to leave my room. It was so dark in there and I kept seeing the faces of those that I lost.  
  
I didn't look up as I walked down the hall.  
  
"Duo." I heard whispered.  
  
I glanced around and saw Heero sitting on the floor, back against the wall, with his knees against his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs.  
  
He was looking up at me with sad eyes. Surprising, right? Mr. Impassive Perfect Soldier has emotions. I knew he did. I was only waiting for him to show them.  
  
I smiled slightly at him. "Hey Heero. What'cha you doin' up this early?"  
  
He stood up in one smooth motion. "Couldn't sleep." He said simply. "You?" he asked.  
  
"Same." I replied.  
  
I went back to my walk.  
  
What happened next surprised me and scared the shit out of me. Heero started walking toward me. When did he get up?  
  
I took a step back, preparing for the worst.  
  
Heero wrapped his arms around my torso and rested his head on my shoulder. I felt him shaking and wetness on my bare shoulder.  
  
"Please Duo. Don't leave me alone."  
  
My eyes widened in shock.  
  
I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him and held him. I was scared that he would strike out at me.  
  
I rubbed his back. After awhile he pulled away and turned away.  
  
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "You must think I'm weak."  
  
"No!" I said quickly. "No Heero. I will *never* think you're weak."  
  
He turned his head and looked at me, eyes red from crying. The look on his face told me that he didn't believe me. He turned around and walked back into his room with his head bowed.  
  
I was confused. Why was Heero acting like this? I wanted to find out.  
  
I followed him. He didn't bother to close his door like he usually does. I found him on the floor just inside the door in the same position he was outside, except his forehead was rested on his knees.  
  
"Heero?" I said.  
  
His head shot up and he stared at me wide eyed.  
  
He lowered his gaze and said, "I have nightmares from when I was very young."  
  
What?  
  
"I think it was my mother."  
  
Why is he telling me this?  
  
"I don't remember her but I keep having visions of a woman with my eye and hair color. Terrible things happen to her. Torture, beatings." he took a short breath, "rape," he said quietly.  
  
"Tonight it wasn't her."  
  
He stopped and looked up at me.  
  
"To-tonight. It was.you, Duo."  
  
"What!?" I asked in disbelief.  
  
He coughed a few times to clear his voice.  
  
With his head kept bowed he told me. "Someone once told me I should follow my emotions. I couldn't do that during the war. They'd have only gotten in the way while fighting. Now that it's over I need to tell you something."  
  
He stood and leveled his eyes with mine.  
  
"Duo. I-I love you. I have since I first saw you."[1]  
  
My mouth dropped. Is he really saying this?  
  
He averted his gaze. "I'm sorry. I just had to tell you."  
  
I picked my jaw up off the floor and said, "Heero, there's nothing to be sorry for. I have a confession also. I love you too."  
  
This time it was his turn to stare at me in shock.  
  
"You-you do?"  
  
I nodded and he said something I never thought would come out of his mouth. Well, next to 'I love you', but that's beside the point. He asked me, "Why?"  
  
I reached out to him but he just flinched away from the touch. He fell to his knees beside the bed and bowed his head.  
  
"How could someone like you love someone like me?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
I knelt in front of him and placed my hand on his. This time he didn't flinch away. But he did tense up, like he wasn't used to the contact. I could only imagine what happened with his training to make him this way.  
  
"How could a beautiful, smart, HUMAN like you ever love me. I'm not human. I'm only the Perfect Soldier. I'm only good for war and fighting. I'm not needed."  
  
I pressed my hands on either side of his face and made him look at me. "Heero."  
  
I paused, trying to figure out what to say. So I just spoke from my heart.  
  
"You ARE needed! I need you. Quatre needs you. Trowa needs you. Hell! Even Wufei needs you. Our friendship wouldn't be the same without you."  
  
For once I couldn't find anything else to say. That's right everyone. The famous Duo Maxwell aka Shinigami aka pilot-of-the-gundam-Deathscythe was speechless.  
  
I can find a way to lighten up the darkest situation, but I can't do pep talk to my best friend, the boy.no, man, I love.  
  
I needed to find a way for Heero to want to live. He sees his mother beaten and raped the same way my memories replay in my dreams and nightmares. Maybe we could get through this together. We would never forget our past but maybe, just maybe, together, it wouldn't hurt as much.  
  
I wrapped my arms around his body and half-whispered, half-sobbed in his ear, "I don't think I could live without you. Everything I touch dies Heero, I thought that that might change with you but if you go, I go. And how do you think that would make the others feel, especially Quatre. They're my best friends in the entire universe and I don't want them to hurt anymore than I want you to hurt. Please Heero. I need you."  
  
I admit it; I sounded desperate. And I was. I definitely did NOT want to lose anymore people than I had to and I think.no, I know that if even one of my friends were to die anytime soon I'd be too overcome with grief that I would most likely kill myself.  
  
I pulled away from Heero to look at him. He looked shocked.  
  
He bowed his head and spoke in a whisper, "All right. I'll give it a try. I'll go on, but only for you and the others. I don't want to lose you either Duo. I love you."  
  
He sighed and slumped against me. I panicked.  
  
But I saw his chest rising and falling and realized he was only asleep, so I picked him up and set him in the bed.  
  
After a few seconds of contemplation I climbed in after him.  
  
I think that when we woke up we'd both want proof that it wasn't just a dream. I just hope that he didn't turn back to the emotionless façade again in the morning. There was no need to anymore.  
  
I dropped into slumber with the assurance that my Heero would be there the next morning.  
  
OWARI  
  
[1] Heero: I love you. I have since the first time you shot me. Ack! This is supposed to be a serious fic but I just couldn't resist.  
  
Okay. That's it. The End! Capput! If the fic don't make any sense I blame it on the coffee. I dun get it. I love the smell of coffee, but I can't even drink a cup of it without feeling like I'm gonna fall over. It's either that or the lack of sleep I've been getting lately. What is wrong with me. I'll take flames but I prefer decent comments and not something that will lower my self-esteem. Flames will be eaten. 


End file.
